


aftertaste

by nnmykznrious



Category: GOT7
Genre: Choi Youngjae-centric, Flashback, Happy Ending?, How Do I Tag, M/M, Tags as I go, and love stawberries, angst with fluff, but not really, jackjae, jaebum is a jerk, jaebum smokes, platonic!jackjae, songs inspired me to write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-04-26 07:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14396757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nnmykznrious/pseuds/nnmykznrious
Summary: where youngjae reunites with his ex at a party after making out blindfolded.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> >>inspired by Troye Sivan’s song, Strawberry&Cigarettes<<
> 
> cross-posted at wattpad

Meeting an ex-lover unexpectedly at a café or a party or anywhere is nothing out of the ordinary, however being in a blindfold to kiss someone random at a party and that someone random so happened to be a particular ex-lover is just plain stupid. 

"Youngjae you go!" someone says and pushes Youngjae, on the other hand Youngjae is too intoxicated to identify the owner of the voice. Also, being intoxicated makes him a bit braver thus he walks, albeit with some difficulty, towards the center where he'll be blindfolded. 

He laughs to himself, thinking how ridiculous at the same time amusing this situation is, or probably because he's drunk enough to keep his walls up that he's letting everything else loose. Letting whatever happen without thinking too much, just like how he did in the past. 

By now, Youngjae can only see black. He's not sure if it's because he's blindfolded or he just has his eyes closed, he doesn't care though. He can't make out what's happening around here since everyone is almost shouting here and there, but he could at least make out that there's another person in front of him. Might be because there's a thud from when the person sits in front of him. 

He feels his hand being lifted and placed on a shoulder. It's a guy. His thoughts wander off to how sturdy and wide this person's shoulder is that if he didn't know there's a person in fron of him he would've mistaken it for a rock. 

Youngjae doesn't know when the crowd turns louder and aggressive, he only notices it when he barely hears the "now kiss," so before having the chance to process what has been said, he felt a pair of lips on his face. 

The first kiss is a miss, the other person's lips lands somewhere between his cheeks and his lips. So Youngjae, being a bit impatient just because he's drunk and all, helps the other person by trusting his instincts and aiming for the other's lips. 

As soon as their lips meet, Youngjae's eyes widen and panics only for a while because he thought he went blind only to realize he is blindfolded. 

The kiss on the otherhand tastes sweet. At least at first it does, because the kiss isn't just a peck but a series of slow sloppy kiss that should probably taste like alcohol but for some reason it doesn't. 

In fact the kiss somehow helps Youngjae sober upa little, because the kiss, with its sweetness, reminds him of strawberries along with painful and bittersweet memories. 

Upon realizing that, he stops kissing back that the other person has to place a hand on his cheek to urge him to continue and he does. That's when he tastes something else—something bitter, something that will surely leave an aftertaste despite the sweetness of the strawberries—nicotine. 

Youngjae, he's never been sure for most things in his life except for this one thing—strawberries and cigarettes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> remember when we first met?

It was at a friend's party when their paths crossed; although Youngjae was never one to party, he occasionally attends one as long as he has his friends with him. Nothing out of the ordinary was happening at the party, an upbeat music was blasting through the speakers while drunk or sobred up bodies jive on the dance floor. 

"I'll get us some drinks," his friend Mark said but before he can go on his way Youngjae told him he can get himself his own drink. So the two friends went together to the kitchen to look for where the drinks were stored.

After getting their drinks, they spotted Jackson and Jinyoung, both from their circle of friends. 

"Nice to see you here Youngjae!" Jackson said before giving Youngjae a hug. 

"What made you come?" 

"Just felt like drinking alchohol," he said flatly. He can't really keep up with the high tension in the atmosphere Jackson was giving off. 

"Well enjoy yourself then," Jackson said with a grin. "now if you excuse us, we'll be borrowi-" Jackson started saying before Jinyoung excused himself saying something along the lines of answering a phone call and he'll be right back. 

"I guess all we have to do is wait for him," Mark said but Youngjae had other plans. 

"You guys wait for him, I'll be in the back," he said excusing himself before either Jackson or Mark can say something. 

It was Yugyeom's place, he's been here quite a few times now to know his way to the back. Speaking of Yugyeom, he haven't seen him nor Bambam ever since he arrived. Although that didn't matter, he wasn't here to talk. He just wanted alcohol, or maybe he's there to face something much more than alcohol. 

He made sure to get another bottle of beer along his way to the back. It wasn't enough but that's all he can carry without exerting much force. 

When he got the back, he wasn't alone. There were a few people here and there, but it was a lot more peaceful here compared where he was earlier. Although a faint sound of the bass can still be heard, it wasn't enough to be considered noisy. 

He sat on the ground, it's their backyard after all and sitting on the ground seems much more inviting than standing while drinking. 

Youngjae wasn't always like this at parties, it just so happened that he's not into his party mode right now and drinking alcohol is his only priority. But that didn't mean he wanted to get drunk, he only wanted to feel that burning sensation as the bitter fluid ran down his throat. He wasn't going through something nor did he had a problem, he just felt like it. He wanted to get away, from nothing in particular. We all have our bad days after all. 

He sat there drinking his beer from time to time staring at a distance, when he noticed someone trying to jump over the fence. He found it amusing and chuckled a bit. He remained in his position, watching the guy try to get in backyard through the fence. 

"What are you trying to do?" he asked the guy over the fence. 

He wasn't that far from the fence and since they're the only people there (Youngjae only noticed now and wondered when did everyone leave or how long have he been there that everyone but him left), his voice was loud enough to reach the other guy. 

"I'm tryin to get in," the other guy said. 

"That just offends the purpose of the main gate, stupid." He said laughing, he found it ridiculously cute that the guy was trying hard to jump over the fence in his obviously tight skinny jeans. 

"The fence is not that high, so I figured I can jump over it," the other guy said with a chuckle probably realizing how stupid his idea was. 

"Just go around the house and enter through the main gate, it would save you from a probably jean rip. We wouldn't want your jeans to rip now do we."

"Then I wouldn't get to spend time with you."

"Excuse me?" Youngjae was clearly taken a back by the strangers words, was he trying to flirt? He couldn't tell and even if the other guy did want to flirt with him, Youngjae wasn't so sure if he was in the mood for that. 

"You seemed alone and all. At a party. So maybe some company will be good for you," the guy said smiling and although it was dark, Youngjae can clearly make out that smile. Little did he know that the smile was reserved only for him. 

"I'm good, don't have to worry about me stranger. You can go-"

"It's JB," they guy said interrupting Youngjae. 

"What?"

"My name, it's JB."

"That sounded more of a nickname to me," Youngjae sassed, "I'm Youngjae."

"So Youngjae, why are you alone?"

"I just wanted to drink that's all."

"Why?"

"I don't really have an answer for that since I don't know why myself either." 

"You're weird," JB said with a chuckle. 

"Says the one who tried to jump over a fence in tight skinny jeans," Youngjae rolled his eyes and the remark made Jaebum laugh and Youngjae did too.

"Are we seriously doing this?" Youngjae asked. 

"Doing what?"

"Talking. Like this. Over a fence," he said pointing his fingers between them. 

"Do you not want to?" 

"I told you earlier, I wanted to be alone," Youngjae said and he hoped the other catched up with how he placed emphasis on wantED.

"Oh, sorry. I guess I'll ju-"

"How stupid can you get?" Youngjae said almost in a rush, cutting JB off of what he was trying to say. "I said I wantED to, but seems like now I don't mind having a company," he said this time making sure to exaggerate his words so the latter can understand. 

"Oh, I see," Jaebum said with a chuckle as he placed his hand behind his neck. 

"Are you still planning to stay there?" Youngjae asked. 

"Yep, that way I can talk to you."

"Why not go in?"

"Because chances of Jackson seeing me is high and it's also ve-"

"Wait. Jackson as in Jackson Wang?" 

"Yep. I bet he's famous so you should know him well," JB said. 

"Well I do, I mean we're friends and all."

"He's friends with everyone so I'm not really surprised."

"No I mean," and Youngjae stopped trying to speak his thoughts, it was tiring. 

"You mean?" JB asked after Youngjae stopped midway in his sentence. 

"Nevermind, Jackson's probably looking for you why not go inside?" Youngjae asked although he didn't want JB to leave he can't do anything if he did. 

"I want to talk to you, stop pushing me away," JB said and Youngjae was sure enough he saw the other pout. 

"Why do you even want to talk to me," Youngjae said a bit timidly. 

"I think you're cute," JB blurted out and Youngjae convinced himself it was the alcohol that made him feel hot and not the other's words. 

"And you're stupid, wait there. I'll get you something," Youngjae said as he stood up and dist himself off a bit before going inside. 

He took a plastic chair nearby and went outside to where JB was. 

"Here, climb over," he said as he lifted the chair over them for JB to take. 

"You're a genius Youngjae!" the other exclaimed in delight. 

"I'll go get more drinks," Youngjae excused himself while JB was climbing over the fence. 

He took one beer case that had around 8 bottles of beer and carried it to the back. 

He saw JB near the fence, smoking a cigarette.

"Hey," Youngjae said distracting JB of his thoughts. 

"Oh hey," he started but then noticed the beer case Youngjae had, he threw his cigarette on the ground and stepped on it to kill what little ember left on it, "wow are we gonna drink all this?"

"It's not even that many," Youngjae said. 

"I thought you were a light weight."

"Yea, I get that a lot," Youngjae said. 

The two of them talked and talked as they down bottles and bottles of beer, not really minding the time or how JB was slowly slurring his words (which Youngjae found adorable despite his appearance). 

Now that they were seated face to face with each other, Youngjae realized how good looking JB is. His features were amazingly put together that Youngjae wondered how was it possible to be as perfect as JB is. 

He found out that JB wasn't really from their neighborhood, hence why he never saw his face before, and that he had to travel a mile just to see Jackson and Jinyoung, which he learned was his childhood friends. They rarely get together now since JB lives so far away, but they kept in contact. 

He learned a lot about JB, his birthdate, his favorite color, how he's an only child and that he have always wanted a younger brother, how people often misjudge him because he always came to be a rude type but he isn't and Youngjae knew well what he meant by that. 

JB was wearing a black leather jacket and a plain white shirt inside with those obviously tight skinny jeans, not to mention his earrings. You can barely see his ears since it was almost filled with earring, both ears in that matter. 

Despite that, from knowing JB for a short time, Youngjae can tell that he's a person with a good heart that can be quite reckless sometimes. 

Youngjae also learned that JB is bisexual, not that he minded being gay himself. He'll never admit it but his heart somehow did a weird thing after knowing JB's sexuality. 

"We've been talking for quite a while now," Youngjae said as he drank from his last bottle, he and JB both had five bottles including the ones from earlier. 

It was amusing to Youngjae how easily JB got high and tipsy with that amount of alcohol. 

"but I still don't know what your real name is," he continued. 

JB took his time to process what Youngjae just said. "It's Jaebum," he said smiling like a child, "how about you, what's your real name mister?" he asked. 

Youngjae chuckled, he found the latter funny when drunk considering how they were strangers earlier and now they're both seated at Yugyeom's backyard asking for each other's names. 

"It's Choi Youngjae, my one and only real and full name," he said to which Jaebum's eyebrows furrowed. 

"No," Jaebum said. 

"No what?" 

"Your name is mine," Jaebum said sporting a smug grin on his face. 

"I didn't know you were a flirt Mr. Jaebum," Youngjae said but it would be a lie if he denied how his heart skipped a beat from Jaebum's words. 

"Flirting is not really my thing, but if it can help me call you mine then I'm taking all chances," Jaebum said and Youngjae bursted out laughing loudly which in turn startled Jaebum helping him sober up a bit and make sense of what's happening. 

"What's so funny?" Jaebum asked, pouting a little. 

"You," Youngjae said the corner of his eyes that teared up from laughing too much. 

"I didn't know you can be so cheesy," he said as his laughter slowly faded. 

"There's a lot of side to me you have yet to know, we basically just met," Jaebum said. 

"You're right."

"Wanna exchange numbers?" Jaebum asked and Youngjae instantly knew why. 

"Sure that'd be great," Youngjae said smiling, he fished his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Jaebum, the latter did the same. 

They exchanged phones and entered their own number. Youngjae saved his contact in JB's phone as YJ, JB saved his as Jaebum. 

"What did you save your name as?" Jaebum asked. 

"YJ."

"I saved mine as Jaebum, the irony"

The two then just sat there with empty bottles of beer laying around, somehow the space that was initially between them had shrinked to a few centimeters. They were close enough to hear each other's breathing, making Youngjae self aware of how any slight movement can result to their skin accidentally touching.

Youngjae felt Jaebum turned his head towards his direction, "Youngjae," Jaebum said. 

"I hope this night lasts longer," he continued, his breath ghosting over the side of Youngjae's face. He's afraid that if he turned to face Jaebum, he'll see something he wasn't ready to see yet so he remained rooted to his postion. 

"Lemme just light one up over there, I'll be back," Jaebum said as he stood up and walked further away from Youngjae to smoke a cigarette. 

Youngjae watched Jaebum's every action as he took a stick, placed it in his mouth. How he lit it up, how he puff out smoke. He found it amusing. 

He found Jaebum amusing and beautiful. 

"Hey," Jaebum said after he finished smoking and sat beside the younger. This time, Youngjae was sure Jaebum wasn't looking at him anymore.  

"I want to let you know something," Jaebum said, Youngjae turned to face the other. 

"Sure, what is it?" 

"I like strawberries."

"I wasn't expecting that, but okay, I like strawberries too," Youngjae said not really knowing how to reply to that sudden fact. 

"Do you want to taste one right now?" Jaebum asked, Youngjae was still facing him and before Youngjae can even utter a word,

Jaebum kissed him. 

Strawberries, he tasted like strawberries 

Youngjae thought as he melted into the kiss. 

Unconsciously, he started kissing back. He wasn't sure if it was because Jaebum tasted like strawberries but he wanted more. 

"That was sweet," Youngjae said after the kiss, "just like strawberries."

"I really like strawberries," Jaebum said. 

"And nicotine," Youngjae added to which Jaebum smiled. 

"Did you not like it?" Jaebum asked with a look of concern over his face. 

"The kiss?"

"No, smoking."

"I don't smoke but that doesn't mean I hate people who does. Smoking doesn't really alter a person you know, just because they smoke doesn't automatically mean they're a bad person. Like you," Youngjae said making sure to establish eye contact with Jaebum as he said the last bit. 

"Plus it was a unique combination, tasting sweet with a bitter aftertaste. I like it," he added. 

"That's good to hear," Jaebum said. 

"I'm not sure if I can ask this," Youngjae said before pausing and looking at Jaebum. 

"Ask ahead," he said. 

"Why do you smoke?"

"There's no grand reason to it, but I usually smoke when I'm nervous. Remember earlier?"

"When you were about to kiss me?"

"Yep but even earlier than that, I didn't know what's up with me that time but I felt nervous meeting you up close. That's why you saw me smoking when you came back with the beer case," Jaebum said with a soft smile plastered on his face and Youngjae would be lying if he said the latter didn't make him feel important. 

"Are you in a relationship right now? I mean you're all flirting with me and you even kissed me." Youngjae really didn't want to ask, but he needed to know the answer so he can stop whatever is starting inside him. 

"If you want to, then yes."

Youngjae's heart skipped a beat. 

"How about we don't rush things?" he suggested. 

"How about no? How about let's be in a relationship? Because you see, Youngjae, I never felt this kind of spark with anyone else except you," Jaebum said looking straight into Youngjae's eyes. By now, Youngjae is positive both of them have sobered up and Jaebum is not making drunk decisions. 

"Give me a sec," he said turning away from Jaebum's gaze, Jaebum did the same while heaving a sigh. 

It was silent for a while until Jaebum decided to speak up. 

"You know I understand if you don't want to be in a re-" he said only to be cut off by the younger. 

"I liked the kiss," he said suddenly the he turned to look at Jaebum, waiting for the other to meet his gaze. 

"And I probably wouldn't mind getting more," he said, grabbing Jaebum's hand which was right beside him. He can see how confused Jaebum is right now. 

"All I'm saying is, I'm suddenly feeling brave and would love to be in a relationship with you," for some reason Youngjae felt electricity in his parts that were in contact with Jaebum. Maybe this was the spark Jaebum mentioned earlier. 

Jaebum smiled and engulfed the younger in a hug. "Thank you Youngjae," he said in their hug. 

They heard the back door open, revealing Jinyoung and Jackson both wearing a smug smile on their faces. 

"Seems like you two have met," Jinyoung said. 

"We've been searching for JB since forever only to see you here hugging this lovely friend of mine," Jackson said. 

"Oh you were friends with him?" Jaebum asked Youngjae. 

"Yep," he simply said. 

"Why didn't you say so?" Jaebum asked and Youngjae only laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn’t planning to update but here it goes, hope you like it


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> their night escapades pt.1

The two of them texted a lot, like a whole, that's why Youngjae's parents suspected he was seeing someone. Instead of letting Youngjae tell them about it, they just couldn't wait and so they confronted the latter.

"Youngjae sweetie, you have to tell us something," his mother started off, three days after Youngjae and Jaebum met and started dating.

"You have to explain why you're always smiling when you're on your phone," his dad added.

It's not like they didn't know he was gay, they knew and that's why Youngjae had a harder time telling them. They can get overprotective sometimes. And Jaebum is... well a guy he met at a party who was trying to jump over a fence.

"Are you seeing someone right now? You know we don't mind, right?" his mom said, prodding him to speak up.

Youngjae sighed, he really didn't want to tell his parents about Jaebum yet. Afterall it's only been three days since they've met and started dating after a kiss that tasted like strawberries and cigarettes. He wanted to tell them when he's sure about Jaebum, since right now he's still skeptical about this whole thing and he believed sooner or later it'll end and he didn't want to be the one who'll end up with a broken heart. 

"I am seeing someone," he said, not really wanting to go further but the look on his parents face said otherwise.

"We've been together for a few days now, that's about it," he said before excusing himself saying he'll have homework to finish. He silently hoped for his parents to never mention this topic again.

~

_I'm outside_

Youngjae usually received texts like this at an ungodly hour when everyone else was basically asleep. He didn't mind though, especially since it's from his Jaebum. Although the first time freaked him out.

It was almost a week now since they've started dating and since they last saw each other, they kept in touch though through text. They begin each other's day with a short good morning and end it with a sweet good night.

Jaebum♥

>>Hey let's hang out later.

It's like 5pm, what is later?<<

>>Around 10? I'll pick you up.

WHAT? I don't think I can.<<

>>Why?

Curfew and you live so far away :(<<

>>Aw that sucks, but we'll figure something out I guess.

What can we figure out??<<

>>I don't know but we'll see. Love you.

Wow, it's been like a week since we started dating. I don't think I can say that back. <<

>>It's okay, you don't have to, but I do love you.

Okay, but erm<<

>>What is it?

You're important to me Jaebum.<<

>>And I love you too. Talk to you later.

Youngjae felt himself heat up from their conversation, he's positive he's blushing right now.

He didn't reply after that, because 1) he doesn't know what to say and 2) he's sure they won't be hanging out later.

He still kept his distance in ways that made Jaebum look clingy from an outside perspective. Youngjae was never the one to text first, nor was he the one who'll ask random questions about Jaebum.

It was around 8pm and Youngjae was laying on his bed trying to attract sleep into his system but he just couldn't. He grabbed his phone and sent a text to Jaebum.

Jaebum♥

Hey I have a question.<<

It took a while before Jaebum replied.

>>What is it? And sorry for the late reply, I couldn't believe you text me first.

Youngjae blushed realizing what he just did, but he didn't think about it much. At the moment, Jaebum is the most important presence in his life and although he won't admit it, he didn't want to lose him.

It's nothing important but I was just curious how my contact is saved in your phone. Since I changed yours to Jaebum♥<<

>>Aw that's cute with a heart, I just added a My in front of YJ.

>>I should probably add a heart too.

You don't have to.<<

Idk but I feel weirdly happy that I am someone else's thing.<<

>>No Youngjae baby, you're not a thing but you are mine.

I know silly, I just don't know how to say it.<<

>>Oh okay. I'll text you later, I'm driving right now.

Dumbass! You should've said so earlier. Stop texting me and focus on driving okay. Take care.<<

>>Okaaaaay.

Youngjae rolled his eyes, Jaebum just doesn't listen. He should probably start getting used to that now.

He sighed, staring up at the ceiling. He wondered where Jaebum was headed to at this time of the night.

 _"Maybe he'll go to a party, it's Friday after all,"_ he said to no one in particular.

 _"I hope he don't meet anyone there,"_ whispered with a sad tone as he rolled over so now he was laying on his stomach.

He told himself not to get too attached, but he's here being all sad thinking about the chances that Jaebum will meet someone at a party or something.

He missed Jaebum, he wanted to see him soon.

He sighed, he can't do anything about his feelings after all.

Time passed by as he continued to toss and turn on his bed. He still couldn't sleep, he kept thinking about Jaebum. He was worried if something happened to him since he haven't heard from him ever since their last conversation earlier.

He shook his head and told himself to stop overthinking. Jaebum's probably enjoying himself somewhere.

He grabbed his phone to check at the time, 9:56 PM. He opened his messages, debating whether or not to send a text to Jaebum but before he could even think about it his phone dinged.

It was a message from JB.

Jaebum♥

>>I'm oustide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short update, hope you liked it ^^


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> their night escapades pt.2

Jaebum❤️

  
>>I’m outside

  
You don’t even know where I live.<<

>>See for yourself.

 

No way<<

He did and there he saw Jaebum waving at him, with Jackson, outside their house.

He quickly grabbed a jacket and quietly went outside, good thing his room is near the main door while his parents are upstairs. He took his keys and locked the front door before making his way to Jaebum and Jackson.

He can’t help the smile forming on his face as soon as he was face to face with Jaebum.

“Hey,” he said and it’s obvious in his tone how happy he was.

“Hey,” Jaebum says reflecting the same smile and the same tone. The two of them hust stood there staring and smiling at each other like fools in love, well technically they are.

The warm and mushy atmosphere between them was interrupted by none other than Jackon Wang’s salty and annoyed remark.

“How about we go get your car so you two can leave me and my salty ass alone?”

The chuckled and Jaebum mumbled a soft sorry before they went back to Jackson’s place where Jaebum’s car was parked.

“Why is your car at Jackson’s anyway?” Youngjae asked while they walked.

“I didn’t know your house, so I asked him,” Jaebum replied.

They walked with their hands intertwined and Jackson occasionally eyeing them with spiteful looks. Not long after that short walk, they arrived at Jackson’s house.

“Thanks a lot Jacks,” Jaebum said lifting his hand for a high five but Jackson remained unbothered, he was, after all, wrapped in a blanket.

“Yeah thanks for ruining my beauty sleep,” he said bittersweetly.

“Sorry man, but thanks a lot.”

“Sure sure whatever, I’ll go back now.”

Jackson started walking to their front door but before he entered, “use protection children,” he said.

The two just laughed.

“So where we going?” Youngjae asked.

“Anywhere.” Youngjae’s eyes widen at the answer and Jaebum smiled seeing the other’s shocked face.

“Anywhere?”

“Yep,” Jaebum unlocked his car and opened the passenger seat’s side, “now come,” he said gesturing for Youngjae to enter his car.

Soon they were on the road (to anywhere, wherever that is). They passed by a convenience store and both of them decided to stop by to grab a midnight snack.

Jaebum got himself some strawberry milk and potato chips, on the other hand Youngjae decided to get some milk and biscuits.

“You do like strawberries huh,” Youngjae said when he saw what Jaebum picked.

“Not as much as I like you,” Jaebum said smiling.

They went to the counter to pay for their food. “Should we just eat here?” Youngjae asked.

“If that’s what’s what you want,” Jaebum said but before he could finish his sentence Youngjae cut him of.

“I mean I still can feed you while you drive,” he said shyly.

“As much as I love the sound of that, I don’t want to risk anything bad happening to us. We’ve got a long way to go after all,” Jaebum said.

The two of them sat down on the chairs in front of the store.

“Are we going somewhere and not just anywhere?” Youngjae asked as he sipped from his drink.

“Yep, I want to take you somewhere. It’ll be a very long drive though.”

“I don’t mind spending long nights with you,” Youngjae said not really thinking, Jaebum blushed.

“Damn I want to kiss you right now,” he said looking straight at Youngjae’s eyes.

Jaebum just stared at Youngjae, not even blinking as he inched forward aiming for his lips. He stopped though, and Youngjae can feel their their warm breaths clashing and hitting each other.

Youngjae closed his eyes and Jaebum took that as a signal to continue.

Their lips met for the second time and unlike the first Youngjae hears distant fireworks erupting, which is private just his heart beating so fast and loud. Youngjae thought the moment couldn’t be more perfect. He loved this, this warmth, this feeling and especially the person he’s kissing. He loved Jaebum.

It’s there again, Youngjae thought as they kissed.

Once their lips parted for air, Youngjae asked, “did you smoke earlier?”

“I’m sorry, you didn’t like it?” Jaebum’s face was filled with regret and guilt, he didn’t want to disappoint his Youngjae after all.

“Nope it’s not that, it’s just it tasted sweet with a bitter aftertaste, still like strawberries and cigarettes,” he said smiling to himself, he didn’t know why he did but maybe it was because Jaebum was so unique and different he can’t help himself from loving every little thing about him. Or maybe because he found Jaebum’s love towards strawberries cute.

“What’s on your mind that made you smile like that?” Jaebum asked.

“You because you’re cute,” Youngjae instantly covered his mouth after saying that, with wide eyes he asked, “did I just said that out loud?”

“Yep,” Jaebum said with a chuckle and a blush evident on his cheeks.

“I’ll be waiting for you in the car,” Youngjae stood up, trying to run away from his embarrassment and went to the car.

The car was locked, so Youngjae leaned on it as he waited for Jaebum to get there. He watched as Jaebum stood up and reached into his pocket for something, probably the key. Jaebum checked his left pocket, then went to his right, then to the left again. Youngjae noticed this, so he went back to Jaebum.

“Anything wrong?” he asked.

“The key’s not here,” Jaebum said in a kinda rushed tone. He was now removing all the things inside his pocket: a lighter, an incomplete pack of cigarettes, some change, receipts and strawberry candies but no key.

“You might’ve dropped it inside?” Youngjae asked and Jaebum immediately went back to the store to check.

A fee moments later he came back, still with a panicked face. “It’s not there,” he said, “I’m so dead,” he added.

“We are so dead,” Youngjae said, he didn’t really know what to say in that kind of situation.

“You sure you didn’t left it in the car?” Youngjae asked unsure whether to ask that question since he was sure the car was locked when he — “oh my god,” they both said in unison as they went their way towards the car.

And there it was, the key, inserted into the ignition.

Both of them laughed.

“Jaebum why are you so stupid?” Youngjae asked between his laughs.

“I don’t know why,” he replied. They were both smiling and laughing at Jaebum’s stupidity.

“I guess I got carried away, was excited too much,” Jaebum said with a hand rubbing the nape of his head.

Youngjae grabbed Jaebum’s hand, “it’s okay though at least we’re together, right?” he said trying to make the latter feel better.

Jaebum engulfed the younger into a hug. “Aw Youngjae baby, I love you,” he said into their hug.

Youngjae loved the warmth and “I love you too,” he replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't reread this so there might be errors or inconsistencies, please do point them out. I hope you enjoyed this.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how they fell apart (not really, but yeah)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t want to write this, this is gonna be the angsty part of this fic, brace yourselves. ;-;

Youngjae didn’t know the whys and the hows their relationship turned out like this. Like this, like right now where Youngjae is lying on his bed and his phone on his hand waiting for a Jaebum’s texts.

Before, Jaebum was always the first one to send a message and they’d talk all day as if they can’t let a second pass by without knowing what the other is up to, however now, they go on days without even a single hi.

Before, they’d see each other almost every night of every week, however now, Jaebum barely has time to spare to drive the miles to Youngjae.

Before, Jaebum would have this spark in his eyes when he looks at Youngjae, now, Youngjae couldn’t see it anymore and he’s scared. Jaebum was the one who protected him and kept him from his fears, reassured him things will be alright, now he’s not even sure who the person he’s with he calls Jaebum.

Before Jaebum will always tell Youngjae how important he is to him and how much he loves the younger boy, but now, he rarely says I love you back.

Youngjae didn’t know when their relationship came to be like this, he didn’t know why and how it became like this but he couldn’t care less. He missed Jaebum a lot and it hurts.

He opened his phone and started typing a message. It was a simple hi and Youngjae remembered the first time he was the first one to send Jaebum a text, how excited and happy Jaebum was that he even called Youngjae just to make the younger feel his excitement and happiness. It was a small action and Youngjae regretted how it’ll only be a wonderful memory since he doubted it’ll happen again.

He sent the message not really expecting a reply. Their conversation, I’m not sure if you can call it a conversation since there’s barely a reply from Jaebum and when he does it’s short and the conversation ends as if it never happened.

Youngjae scrolled through their messages, reminiscing of the past when suddenly he was brought to their recent messages. Jaebum replied.

_We need to talk_

Youngjae felt shivers down his spine and before he could feel the tears in his eyes, it fell and as if like waterfalls it continued to fall never ending, never stopping. Youngjae didn’t want to talk because he knew, he knew it’ll be their last.

He didn’t reply and Jaebum never really came nor bothered texting Youngjae again.

It was at Bambam’s birthday party when the two of them met. They weren’t expecting to see each other since they haven’t been talking for quite some time. Youngjae didn’t expect to see Jaebum here since he knew only Jackson and Jinyoung are friends with him and it’s very unlikely to meet the other here. Apparently life hated him, and he just had to see Jaebum, of all people, at the party.

No one amongst their mutual friends really knew about the two of them, except Jackson and surprisingly Jackson didn’t go around telling people about the Jaebum and Youngjae. So at the party, only Jackson was able to notice that there’s something going on between the two when he saw the way Youngjae avoided Jaebum when they accidentally bumped into each other, so he came to Youngjae to ask.

“Youngjae,” Jackson called out to him.

“Hey what’s up,” Youngjae said as if nothing’s wrong but Jackson knew better.

“I have something to talk to you about, let’s go outside,” Jackson said and Youngjae followed him, he didn’t want to be inside that house after all.

“So you and JB? Are you still, like, together?” Jackson asked.

Youngjae was stunned by his question, he didn’t even know the answer himself. If Jackson asked this a bit earlier, he would’ve confidently and proudly know the answer but that’s not the case now.

With a low voice, he whispered an I don’t know as he kept his eyes on the ground. He didn’t want Jackson to see the sadness in his eyes.

“Do you have a problem?” he asked.

Before Youngjae can answer, a voice called him. It was Jaebum’s. Youngjae looked up and saw Jaebum walking towards them.

“Hey Jacks, mind if I borrow Youngjae for a bit?” he said.

Jackson gave Youngjae a look to which Youngjae just nodded as if telling him it’s okay.

“Ahm, sure go ahead,” he said albeit hesitantly, he made sure to look at Youngjae before he went back inside.

“Can we go somewhere else?” Youngjae asked. Despite being outside, they can still hear the music from inside and it seemed to bother Youngjae. That, and the fact that anyone can walk in on them or the undeniable truth that after the talk Youngjae will surely cry bothered him; and he didn’t want anyone to see him like that.

It was dark outside, save from the light coming from the moon, as the two of them walked with Youngjae leading the way. They didn’t speak, they didn’t even walk beside each other.

When they arrived at the place—the park, Youngjae went and sat down on one of the swings. Jaebum did the same, sitting on the one beside Youngjae. The swings made soft squeaking sound as Youngjae make small movements on it. He had both hands on the chains of the swing as he lets his eyes stare at the starless sky above.

“I missed you,” he said in a whisper but it was enough to reach Jaebum’s ears. Youngjae kept his gaze upward as he tried to control his tears, “I didn’t mean to say that,” he said.

It was silent between the two of them, it’s so silent that Youngjae can no longer hear the squeaking of the swing nor the occasional breeze that hits his cheek. The silence was deafening and Youngjae didn’t want it. He didn’t want this, he wanted to run away. He didn’t want to hear what Jaebum will say. He didn’t want to lose Jaebum.

He felt his tears pooling up in his eyes and he shut his eyes tightly trying to prevent his tears from spilling as his grip on the chains tighten. It’s too early to cry when he knew he’ll cry a lot more after this.

Youngjae can’t see Jaebum so he wasn’t sure if the other was aware that he’s close to crying and breaking down. It was silent, until it wasn’t when Jaebum decided to break it. Breaking other things in the process.

“Youngjae,” he called out, his voice as gentle as ever and Youngjae hates to think this might be the last time he’ll hear his name from the other’s mouth.

“You know, my mom used to tell me ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be’ and I believe that, even now, I still do.”

Youngjae kept his eyes shut, he knew that as soon as he opened his eyes his feelings will spill in form of tears and sobs robbing him of the chance to hear everything Jaebum wanted to say.

“What if it’s just like us.”

It was quiet but Youngjae can hear the loud shattering of his heart.

“If we really are meant to be, it’ll happen. But now, I don’t think now’s the right time for us,” Jaebum said and Youngjae needed air.

He couldn’t keep it anymore, it came out with a little sob. It grew louder, turning into cries. He was catching his breath,It was suffocating as if he was drowning, drowning on his own feelings spilling out. His hands no longer gripped the chains of the swing as it was now covering his face trying to hide his tears and muffle his cries. His hands smelled like decaying metal and a dying love.

“Youngjae, baby, don’t be like this,” Jaebum said and Youngjae felt Jaebum in front of him, his hands on the younger’s thighs.

Youngjae wanted to say something, but his tears won’t stop.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said between his tears and sobs, “Jaebum I don’t want to lose you,” he said this time louder as if it’ll make Jaebum change his mind as if it’ll make everything better.

Youngjae felt Jaebum removing his hands from his face, he didn’t want to see Jaebum. He didn’t want to look at him, thinking it’ll be the last. He didn’t want to see nothing in the eyes that was once filled with love. But he can’t help it, especially when Jaebum lifted his chin to face him.

“Baby look at me.”

Their eyes met and it was the first time that night, that Youngjae got the chance to properly look at his lover. He looked beautiful despite the tears running down the side of his face, was the first thing that came in Youngjae’s mind.

“I know this is fucked up, I fucked up but I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have. I don’t want you to fall deeper when I’m already on my way back to the top. Youngjae you deserve better, and better is not me,” Jaebum said as he cried.

Youngjae shook his head, he didn’t want to let go. Jaebum started standing up and Youngjae immediately grabbed him by his wrist. “Don’t go,” he said, but it wasn’t enough.

“I’m sorry Youngjae,” Jaebum said meeting his gaze, there it was—the void, Youngjae saw nothing. His grip loosen and Jaebum started to walk away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it and thanks for reading


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With a very little bit of angst, since I forgot to include these in the previous chapter.

Youngjae stayed on the swing after Jaebum left, . It’s been a couple of months since BamBam’s birthday and Youngjae’s wounds were still there, open and raw. 

That night, when Jaebum told him that thing about serendipity, Youngjae couldn’t help but feel betrayed. So when Jackson came looking for him, he didn’t waste a second to cry his heart out to the latter. 

He stopped crying but that’s probably because ran out of tears since the pain is still there, gnawing at every inch of his already broken heart taking away a part of him each time it did. It’s tiring but it’s not like he can do anything to stop feeling pain. 

It was unfair. He didn’t ask for Jaebum to come in his life, he didn’t ask for a kiss that night they met, heck he didn’t even ask for a relationship. He didn’t ask for any of this, but Jaebum gave him everything, everything all at once. And no, he didn’t hate Jaebum, he couldn’t possibly hate him. Because no matter the pain, he still and will always love Jaebum. Hence the reason why he goes to the park with his wishful thinking that maybe Jaebum will come back to apologize and maybe they’ll pick up where they left off. Youngjae knew better than to hold on to those maybe’s and despite that, he still went there every single day. 

Once again, he was on his way to the park with the same small voice that kept telling him to stop because Jaebum will never come back, he never listened.

He might’ve been seeing things but there was a figure sitting on the swing when he came to the park. His heart started to speed up but he didn’t get his hopes up. It was dark so Youngjae can’t really see anything besides the outline of that person’s body. He slowly approached the swings, the figure noticed him and stood up. It’s Jinyoung. 

“Hey,” he said motioning the other to sit on the swing beside him. 

“Jackson told me you’ll be here so here I am,” he continued before sitting back on the swing. Youngjae did the same. 

“So how are you? You haven’t been in touch lately” Jinyoung asked. 

“I’m fine, I’m just busy with things,” Youngjae said. 

No he wasn’t trying to avoid his friends, he just wanted more time for himself. To figure out where it went wrong or where he went wrong or why. Why did Jaebum do that. 

“How’s Jaebum?” he said without even thinking. 

“I’m offended, I came here wanting to catch up with you and here you are asking about JB,” Jinyoung said with a fake offended tone. 

“Sorry I wasn’t thinking,” he said. 

“What’s up with JB though? I mean what’s up with the two of you?”

“Nothing I was just curious.”

“No no, I mean even JB asks me about you. Is there something going on between the two of you?” Jinyoung asked and then it was silent for a while. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” Jinyoung said. 

“We used to date, me and Jaebum, but he broke up with me here in this exact place,” Youngjae suddenly said. It’s about time his friends know after all. 

“But it’s all over now and I still wait for him here every night. I’m pathetic right,” Youngjae said with a mocking laugh. 

“Yes you got that right,” Jinyoung said earning a glare from the other, “but joking aside, Youngjae you have to stop moping around. That’s why you have to come with us and celebrate our birthdays—Mark’s, mine and yours.”

“I’ll pass,” Youngjae said without hesitating, it’s not because he didn’t want to hang out with his friends, he just wanted to be alone. 

“Why?”

“No reason.”

“It’ll be fun and you haven’t been able to hang out with us lately, so please?” 

Youngjae thought about it for a while, he do missed his friends after all. Maybe some company won’t hurt.

He sighed in defeat and looked at Jinyoung who was giving him a pout, it never worked on him but Jinyoung didn’t have to know that. 

“Fine I’ll come,” Youngjae said in defeat.

 

 

Youngjae thought the ‘celebration’ Jinyoung is talking about will be within close friends, he thought wrong. As soon as he reaches Mark’s house, loud music is blasting and there are five to seven people outside, people Youngjae doesn’t even know. Upon instinct he immediately turns away to go back and send a message saying he had a stomach ache and couldn’t make it, but before he can even execute his plan Bambam sees him. 

“YOUNGJAE!” a loud voice resonating over the loud music and breaking the silence of the night is heard. He wants the ground to swallow him whole or he could just evaporate but both seem unlikely to happen as soon as he feels a hand on his shoulder. 

“What’s up birthday boy!!” the overly hyper lanky guy says. 

“Let’s come inside now shall we?” Bambam says as he drags Youngjae inside the party. Youngjae couldn’t do anything but sigh. 

The other boys greet him as soon as they enter the house, Yugyeom instantly offering a drink which Youngjae absentmindedly takes. 

“It’s nice to see you here,” Jackson says with a warm smile. 

“I had to take my mind off a certain someone after all,” he says before taking a sip from the drink in his hand.

“Well that’s new,” Jackson says while eyeing the drink in Youngjae’s hand, “I know you take your drinks well but don’t overdo it okay?”

Youngjae nods at that, at least there’s still someone who cares. At least there’s still Jackson. 

“If I haven’t met Jaebum I would’ve probably date you,” Youngjae says not because of the alcohol, no, but because it’s true. Youngjae has always been one to speak his mind after all. 

He isn’t really that close to Jackson before all these happen, they are friends, sure, but that’s only because of Jinyoung. They haven’t yet to hang out just the two of them, however in the recent events of Youngjae’s life Jackson is always there although very subtle. In fact Jackson is the only person he talks to during hard times because Jackson is the only one who knows about his relationship (or past relationship) with Jaebum. And for being there uninvited (but never unwelcome), Youngjae is thankful. 

“And suddenly you’re letting the alcohol get into you,” Jackson says with a chuckle.

“Thank you Jackson,” Youngjae says warmly to the other which earns a surprised look from Jackson. 

“Anytime,” he replies with the same warm smile from Youngjae, “call me if you need a ride home or something.”

“I will.”

“Hey Jackson!” someone yells from behind them and suddenly Jackson is being dragged into the crowd. Youngjae finds the situation amusing as he laughs by himself. 

 

 

“Youngjae you go!” someone says and pushes Youngjae, on the other hand Youngjae is too intoxicated to identify the owner of the voice. Also, being intoxicated makes him a bit braver thus he walks, albeit with some difficulty, towards the center where he’ll be blindfolded. 

He laughs to himself, thinking how ridiculous at the same time amusing this situation is, or probably because he’s drunk enough to keep his walls up that he’s letting everything else loose. Letting whatever happen without thinking too much, just like how he did in the past. 

By now, Youngjae can only see black. He’s not sure if it’s because he’s blindfolded or he just has his eyes closed, he doesn’t care though. He can’t make out what’s happening around him since everyone is cheering here and there, but he could at least make out that there’s another person in front of him. Might be because there’s a thud from when the person sits in front of him. 

He feels his hand being lifted and placed on a shoulder. It’s a guy. His thoughts wander off to how sturdy and wide this person’s shoulder is that if he didn’t know there’s a person in front of him he would’ve mistaken it for a rock.

Youngjae doesn’t know when the crowd turns louder and aggressive, he only notices it when he barely hears the “now kiss,” so before having the chance to process what has been said, he felt a pair of lips on his face. 

The first kiss is a miss, the other person’s lips lands somewhere between his cheeks and his lips. So Youngjae, being a bit impatient just because he’s drunk and all, helps the other person by trusting his instincts and aiming for the other’s lips. 

As soon as their lips meet, Youngjae’s eyes widen and panics only for a while because he thought he went blind only to realize he is blindfolded. 

The kiss on the other hand tastes sweet. At least at first it does, because the kiss isn’t just a peck but a series of slow sloppy kiss that should probably taste like alcohol but for some reason it doesn’t. 

In fact the kiss somehow helps Youngjae sober up a little, because the kiss, with its sweetness, reminds him of strawberries along with painful and bittersweet memories. 

Upon realizing that, he stops kissing back that the other person has to place a hand on his cheek to urge him to continue and he does. That’s when he tastes something else—something bitter, something that will surely leave an aftertaste despite the sweetness of the strawberries—nicotine. 

Jaebum. 

He breaks apart from the kiss as quick as he can and starts to run. He doesn’t mind bumping into people as he runs away while trying to remove his blindfold. Although there is no way for him to confirm if the guy he kissed is Jaebum, Youngjae can’t be wrong. He knows, even though he doesn’t want to, that that person is Jaebum. He knows it too well that it scares him, it scares him how much effect Jaebum still has on him despite all these months of moping over an ended relationship. At this point he’s anxious he’ll never get over the latter. He’s worried he’ll never love again, he gave Jaebum so much love he thinks there’s no more left in him to start a new love again. 

He wipes the tears on his cheek, he feels pathetic for crying, for always crying. He gradually slows down, he doesn’t know where he is but it’s dark and he silent. He’s probably in the middle of the street but who cares, he remains standing there crying. He misses Jaebum so much, he still loves Jaebum so so much but Jaebum gave up on him and it still hurts him.

“Youngjae,” he hears someone yell from a far. He turns around and sees Jackson running towards his direction. 

“Are you okay?” is the first thing Jackson asks as he tries to catch his breath letting his hands rest on his knees as he does. 

Youngjae doesn’t dare open his mouth, afraid his tears will spill and he doesn’t want Jackson to notice that. But the pain he feels doesn’t let him so when Jackson looks straight into his eyes, everything comes spilling. His tears, his cries, his pain. He tries to keep himself upright, but he’s tired and soon enough his legs give out. Before he can come into contact with the hard concrete, Jackson catches him. 

“Let’s get you home,” he says wrapping Youngjae’s arm on his shoulder while his arms is securely placed on the younger’s waist. 

The car ride home is quiet except for Youngjae’s occasional sniffing. Soon enough, they arrive in front of Youngjae’s house. They don’t bother to do anything as comfortable silence rests between them. 

“Thank you, Jackson,” Youngjae says softly as if he’ll interrupt whatever it is in between them.

Youngjae wants to say more but he’s too tired, he remains seated next to Jackson. Jackson notices this so he gets out of his seat to open Youngjae’s door. 

“Hey come on,” he says as he prompts Youngjae out of his car by offering a hand to the younger. Youngjae takes the hand offered and grasps it tightly, and as id on cue Jackson pulls him in for a hug. 

There’s something with the way Jackson is holding him securely in his arms that makes Youngjae cry. He cries as his hug on Jackson tightens, Jackson on the other hand soothes the latter’s back as he cries. 

“shhh it’ll be better Youngjae,” Jackson whispers to Youngjae’s ear before pressing a soft kiss on the top of his head. They stay in that position until Youngjae calms down. 

Youngjae can’t express how thankful he is for Jackson that if it isn’t for Jackson he’ll be in a more difficult situation than he already is now. But he knows he couldn’t have anything past platonic with Jackson, they both know that. 

“I hope to see you around,” Jackson says when they reach the front door of Youngjae’s house. 

Youngjae smiles at him, or at least he tried to before getting inside. 

 

 

He lays on his bed. Thinking about what happened earlier but this time he has no more tears to shed. He’s too tired of all this. Of getting hurt, of his damned feelings and of Jaebum. 

He shuts his eyes hard as if it’ll help him erase the picture of Jaebum’s face in his head. As is he’ll ever forget how Jaebum tastes against his mouth. As if it’ll stop the pain from clawing into his heart. As if it’ll shut down the memories from their long nights. As if it’ll mute the noises he hears outside his window. 

Wait. 

Youngjae’s eyes abruptly open and he still hears it. The soft tapping on his window, he slowly gets up to check out what’s causing the noise when his phone dings. 

 

 

Jaebum  
>>I’m outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should edit my chapters but i dont oPS


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s here and it’s probably trash or forced im sorry

Youngjae looks out his window and there he sees the person occupying his thoughts moments earlier—Jaebum. 

He shuts his blinds and gets back to bed. He doesn’t want Jaebum to see how much of a mess he is right now and he especially doesn’t want to let him know that he is the reason why.

Again, his phone buzzes and it’s no surprise whose it from. 

Jaebum  
>>Youngjae  
>>come out  
>>please

And for some reason, that’s all it takes to make Youngjae get up and walk straight to their front door contemplating whether or not he should turn the knob and run in the arms of the person he loves or get back to his bed and cry for a lost love. At that moment, Youngjae’s mind fails to function making him turn the knob to walk to where Jaebum is. 

The night breeze makes him shiver, so he hugs himself as he slowly makes his way towards Jaebum. 

He is now face to face with his love, and only then does he see such grief evident in someone’s face it reflected his own. Their eyes eventually meet and that’s all it takes to ignite the sparks between them.

“Hey,” Youngjae says with his voice cracking a little bit. 

“Hey,” Jaebum says not breaking eye contact. 

“Thanks for coming out and meeting me here like this, you don’t know how much this means to me,” Jaebum says with glazed eyes as he tries to prevent his tears from spilling and all Youngjae wants to do is to hug him and tell him how much he loves and misses him. 

“I missed you.” Youngjae realizes a second too late what he just said. 

“I missed you too, Youngjae,” and suddenly the space between them is gone as Jaebum reaches out to embrace the younger in a tight hug. 

“I owe you an explanation,” Jaebum says through their hug and Youngjae only nods. 

They pull apart from the hug to rest their foreheads against each other both wiping the tear strain left on each other’s faces. 

“I have to show you something,” Jaebum says and pulls the younger away. 

“I’m sorry,” Jaebum says as they walk to a destination still unknown to Youngjae. 

Youngjae wants to say something but right now his words and feelings are too caught up in him that he couldn’t articulate anything coherent. 

Jaebum reaches out to grab Youngjae’s hand as they walk sidewalk after sidewalk until they arrive at the place Jaebum wants to show Youngjae, the graveyard. 

“The graveyard?” Youngjae asks. 

Jaebum didn’t say anything and only pulls the younger with him to the graveyard. After a few turns and steps, the couple comes to a halt in front of a grave. Youngjae’s eyes widen. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” are the last words from Youngjae mouth before he starts sobbing. 

Jaebum pulls him into a hug, “shhhh,” he says more to himself than to Youngjae as he too has tears streaming down his face. 

“It was hard, Youngjae, it was very hard,” Jaebum says when they pull apart from the hug. They stand face to face with each other and now it’s Youngjae’s turn to comfort the older, he places Jaebum’s head on his shoulder as he runs his hand up and down his back as if to soothe the pain. 

“Everything was so sudden,” Jaebum says and Youngjae feels the way his body trembles from his cries. “I was the one driving. It was raining and the road was slippery,” Jaebum says through his cries and every word pierces straight to Youngjae’s heart. “I was… I was careless and now…” 

Youngjae’s heart breaks, he didn’t know what Jaebum have gone through. He didn’t know Jaebum lost his mom. 

“I was scared, I was scared I’d fuck up again and lose you, I didn’t want that to happen,” Jaebum says. 

“I didn’t want to lose you. So I started distancing myself from you, coming up with an excuse to push you away, out of my life because you deserved better,” Jaebum, with his forehead still on Youngjae’s shoulder, explains and his voice is filled with regret and pain. 

Youngjae lifts Jaebum’s head up to face him as he kisses his tears away, a peck on both cheeks before he kisses Jaebum’s lips. “I will never go away, you won’t lose me. I promise,” he tells the older and there it is again, the sweetness mixed with the bitterness. 

~

The two of them are sprawled on the grass of the nearby field beside the graveyard with Youngjae using Jaebum’s arms as pillow. The two of them watch as the night sky gives way for tiny specks of lights to shine through. 

“Hey Youngjae”

“Hmm?”

“I love you”

“more than strawberries?”

“more than strawberries.”

“more than cigarettes?”

“of course, what kind of question is that?”

“I love you too,” Youngjae says as he snuggles closer to Jaebum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for sticking with me through this fic! im still busy with uni hence the very very delayed update. plus im so sorry if it took me 2~3 months(?) to finish this :(( the ending kinda had me troubled and i kept changing it though i originally had a plan set for the ending, anyway there’s that. i hope you enjoyed reading this and thank you so much for the comments and kudos ^^ btw, i plan to write another 2jae fic it’s a hanahaki au one hehe


End file.
